We have two terms thrown around out there "Good Men" and Nice Guys. We also hear the term "Nice Guys finish last". We also hear the phrase "Where have all the good men gone". For most people, the two phrases can be confusing. Why are nice guys ignored, and yet aging women will complain about the Good Men disappearing?
Perhaps most of the confusion lays in the misunderstanding of the two. And with those definitions, I hope to show what we as men need to do.
1) The "Nice Guy" is a man who does what he can to show women that he is what he thinks a woman would want him to be. He will be the type to buy flowers, buy dinners, open doors, white knight, and do all these things to gain her favor. He does these things because he believes these social expectations are currency for sex or developing a relationship.
Admittedly, I had many of these traits when I was younger. There was this particular girl I was pursuing back when I was 21-22. She was this hot little 19 year old Asian girl who was the little sister of one of my friends. This was in the mid 90's and I had this beat up old Chevy pickup with a gun rack, a mullet, and all the other great things about being a redneck. I hung around my friend's house and developed a crush on her. They all lived with their parents, same as I did. So, naturally I hung out at their house more. She smoked, and so I did just so I could hang out with her on their back porch. I helped build a chicken coop, I took her for rides. Basically, I did everything I could to get into a relationship with her, except the most important thing, ASK HER OUT. Eventually, I did, but I was turned down. I had officially been friend-zoned. At the time, I couldn't get it. I was jumping through the hoops, I was being as nice as I knew how to be, and she still turned me down.
I was the quintessential "Nice Guy". Looking back, I probably would of had more luck if I just asked her out right away and been more honest about my intentions with her. Woulda, coulda, shoulda. In the end, I am glad nothing happened there.
2) The "Good Man" is a different individual. He is the guy who develops a strong character and is good in his own right. He is a man who builds status, treats people fairly, but does not change his behavior out of society's expectations. He is a man of integrity. He will treat a woman good, not for expectations of sex or relationship, but because he is good in his own right. This does not mean he will be nice. If a woman is not treating him fairly, he will tell her to take a hike and move on.
About a year after my dealings with that Asian hottie, I developed a belief in God. An LDS friend of mine, who was very strong in his faith, married this fabled unicorn. She was sweet, attractive, friendly, and feminine in her demeanor. I was kind of jealous. This friend was kind of goofy, but he looked like he got the brass ring. At that time, I decided I needed to become the type of man that would attract a woman like that. So, I quit smoking, drinking, cussing, and devoted my life to finding the best quality woman I could. I started Engineering school in college the year prior, but I redoubled my efforts.
At this time, I decided to ask out the girls in my college classes who I thought showed the most character. Four girls I asked, one was strong in her protestant religion, three were strong in their LDS church. Where I lived, it was about 10% LDS, so it was more than coincidence. All those ended after the first date because of religious differences. The third one invited me to church. Eventually, I was baptized and began my new life as a religious man. For the next several years, I worked on developing my character. Eventually, I became the good man that the good women want. We married in 2003.
Since then, I have tried to continue living a good life, and while not perfect, I can say I have worked hard to improve myself with help from her and vice versa.
Back to the subject, being nice does not mean being good. Women can spot a person going through the motions of appearing good while not actually being good. Flip the sexes, and the term "chameleon" is brought up. They are individuals pretending to be something they are not. They will finish last.
As for the "Where have all the good men gone" question. They are gone, married off or with the life experience, they can spot women who are chameleons and are not good themselves.
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