In the last article in this series, I discussed how God has a plan for us and how He put us here in families to help fulfill that plan. Today, I want to discuss our male and female roles within that plan.
Different Roles, Both Vital
To have a well functioning home, both the mother and father are needed. A father’s role is to protect the family from danger, provide for the necessities of life, and to lead the family. The mother’s role is to create an atmosphere of love and comfort within the home and to nurture the family. As the two work together properly, children benefit from both the masculine and feminine role models and they see how the masculine and feminine interact in a harmonious fashion.
Unfortunately, most commonly, the historical perspective is that men’s role has been viewed as of greater importance. In order to counteract this view, the socialists apply their oppressor/oppressed theory to the battle of the sexes and have worked to inflate women and diminish men’s value in society. They have done this by telling women that they “can do everything a man can do” and created resentment by telling women that taking care of the home and children is demeaning servitude work. Meanwhile, they have made it more difficult for men in the workplace with "equal opportunity" hiring quotas and in the home with lopsided divorce settlements.
Unless we are married to a woman who hold these feminist beliefs, we should not counteract the feminist rhetoric onto an innocent individual. If your wife treats you well, treat her well in return. Back during the early years of discovering the red pill, I unnecessarily caused friction within our marriage by doing just what the feminists do of going around angry because of a falsely perceived injustice. That injustice may be real in many homes, but not in our own home, and not because of my wife. Both men and women are important to a well functioning family. The man provides the resources, the woman refines those resources into a pleasant home for everyone to fulfill their part in God's plan.
Men's Roles
As the patriarch of the home, we need to lead effectively. Be the spiritual leader in the home. Call everyone in for prayer, family scripture study, family meetings and activities. Make sure you all go to church, if a movie comes on that is too racy for the little kids, it is your responsibility to make that known that it is inappropriate in your household. Your wife will probably be happy to follow you as long as you are being proactive in leading the family. In turn, the children will follow as long as they respect you.
Also, you need to be the temporal leader in the home. This does not mean you need to make every little decision. At work, you know that a micro-manager type boss is ineffective. Same thing goes within the home. Make the decisions best suited for your home. Steer the ship, but let your wife worry about the details as best as she can. For example, financially, this means you should let her decide on whether to buy asparagus or broccoli, but for major spending decisions like cars, rebuilding the shed, or anything of consequence, you need to discuss the matter and come to a decision while taking into consideration your wife’s, and possibly the kids’ points of view. Ultimately the decision should be yours, and the responsibility for the consequences of such a decision is yours as well.
Be the protector of the home. Depending on your circumstances, you need to provide a safe haven for your wife and family. Stay in shape. As necessary, learn to use a firearm, install a security system, and/or you may learn self-defense. Make sure you know first aid, CPR, fire safety, where to shut off the power or gas. Be emergency minded. All of these things will help build an atmosphere of security for your family.
Be the provider in your home. When you are young in life, get a good, meaningful education and work hard to provide a stable home for your family. You do not need the fancy toys, but you should do all you can to provide what is necessary for the family.
Women's Roles
Boyd K Packer said, "During World War II, men were called away to fight. In the emergency, wives and mothers worldwide were drawn into the workforce as never before. The most devastating effect of the war was on the family. It lingers to this generation."
Said in 1993, this is a huge understatement. What is worse, is feminists do not see or care about the wake of destruction they cause upon the family by encouraging the mother to drop her home responsibilities so both spouses can work. What used to be a slight hiccup in statistics from women staying home has exploded into a mess of destroyed families, drug use, infidelity, and runaway welfare spending. Our whole society is crumbling because of the millions of children growing up in broken homes. A smaller happy home is better than a larger home with resentment, burned out working parents, and neglected kids.
The role of the mother is to nurture the body, mind and spirit of those within her family. In effect, she is taking the resources leadership, and safe environment provider to her by her husband and refining them as she works to nurture the family. To nurture means to care for and encourage the development of something. In this case, we are talking about the family, which includes all members of that family. This growth is in three primary areas, body, mind and spirit.
Nurturing the body means cooking good meals. This does not mean a three course meal three times a day, doing so would get everyone fat. It means providing a nutritious meal in which everyone will enjoy enough to have a well balanced diet and be healthy. Make sure everyone has clean socks and toilet paper for decent hygiene. Work to keep the house clean enough to be a healthy environment for your family. Make sure the kids take baths, that they get off the couch and get some exercise. Be the example by getting regular exercise, maintaining your weight, and playing actively with your husband and children.
Nurturing the mind means making sure there is learning going on in the house. Pay attention to a child's education, make sure that their heads are not just filled with communist drivel, but they understand real truth. If she is not working, this means home schooling the kids. They will do much better from a mother who loves and knows the individual being educated, and who can tailor their education appropriately, rather than some socialist who has 30 kids to teach concurrently and treat it as a job. Also, fill the home with books and materials which encourage learning. Take time with the family to show real world teaching examples. Teach the kids the value of work, taking care of themselves, and show them what they need to be independent some day. They will eventually need to cook, change a light bulb, etc. Show an example of love for learning by keeping interested in hobbies like piano playing, biology, or anything that uses your mind.
Nurturing the spirit means seeing that everyone is progressing spiritually. Help and encourage everyone (husband too) know the gospel. Be the spiritual beacon and demonstrate love, kindness, respect, humility, and honesty. Read with the kids, decorate the home with spiritually uplifting media. The father is the spiritual leader of the home, but follow his lead and reinforce everything he says that brings the family closer to God. Be that shining light that the whole family can look to as an example for what is right in the world.
Shared Roles
Overall, parenting is better as the responsibility is shared between husband and wife. That includes feeling the baby, changing diapers, punishing bad behavior, teaching work ethics, and spending time with each. Both need to get to know and love each kid. After all, if you don’t get your hands messy and get involved, why would you bother getting married? Who knows, you may actually enjoy it. There may be a few exceptions, like breast feeding the baby. As the kids age and approach adulthood, your masculine guidance coupled with her feminine guidance will be paramount to the child's development in knowing who they are.
Routine maintenance needs to be shared. Neither the man nor the woman is a work horse that has to do all the crap jobs around the house. She can mow the yard, paint the fence, shovel snow, and replace light bulbs. You can clear the spider webs, scrub the floor, and wash some dishes from time to time. Now, if there are repairs that are beyond her strength or capabilities, go ahead and take them, but don’t let her get away with being lazy just because she’s a girl. Help with the maintenance chores as much as is fair to the two of you, and involve the children as they are capable and is fair to them.
Make sure both of you are on top of financial issues. Routinely go through the budget together and make sure bills are paid and there is no funny spending going on. Doing so will keep you two honest and up front with the money. We use that time to discuss any future plans or major decisions regarding how things are spent.
Exceptions
Of course, there will be exceptions to this optimal pattern here. There will be work schedules, disabilities, crises, and rebels. Do the best you can. If the wife is not in the picture or has to work, you of course will have to compensate or help out more. This is not a "I do my thing, you do your thing" thing. I will help out during the weekend, she will step in sometimes when I am unavailable to do family council at times. Cook every now and then at your discretion to help communicate to her what foods you like and how you like it prepared. Pick a room from time to time and do a thorough cleaning. Doing so helps communicate the level of cleanliness you want, and will get rid of the filth that is overlooked during her day to day cleaning. There may even be times where you two need to call for help from extended family. Do what you can, but both of you should be putting in the effort.
Assignment: Read this with your wife. Discuss roles you have in your married life and what you each can do to better fulfill your roles, and discuss if either of you feel unjustly burdened within the household. It may take several days to discuss specifics. If need be, discuss such matters in a regular setting. Please, no nagging or passive/aggressive behavior.
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