Part 1 - The Conversation
Yesterday, I was commenting on a video by "huMAN" (a MGTOW oriented You Tuber) entitled "Easy women are lying to themselves" (link) While I do not need to go into the specifics of the video, one commenter by the name of Gunsight One chimed in.
"The real shame is, it is near impossible to find a decent woman without a promiscuous past these days. They all go through that "phase" and just expect men to accept it in the end. No thanks, I'll pass."
I concur with him "A dog and a fishing boat are better than a dog, a fishing boat and alimony payments". Other men also chime in with their typical MGTOW comments.
Then, a woman gets into the conversation. Anna Fidler (pictured) replies, "So you find it hard to attract a good person and somehow it's society's/women's fault........sounds like a male version of "where have all the good men gone" to me."
To me, her response seemed genuine, like she does not understand the irony of the "Where have all the good men gone" question. I reply:
"@Anna Fidler What makes the "where have all the good men gone" trope so funny is the average women has all the chance in the world to get a good man when they are in their youth. But, either they pass him up to party it up through their 20's, or they hold their standards up so high that they are unwilling to welcome the average good man. Then, just when they hit 30-35, they suddenly want to marry a guy who is willing to spend money and take care of them while she raises the kids.
A typical guy's dating life is different. They are willing to get into a relationship with a young woman at an early age. If she is a good woman, it happens and they are happy. However, most good guys are totally passed over by these women. By the time these women want to "settle down with a good man" enough to make appropriate compromises, they are old, they have proven themselves to be untrustworthy, and have only a few years of attractiveness or fertility left. The good men are still out there, but they are avoiding those women. This is men saying "good men stay away, those are not good women", not "where are the good women?".
Anna Fidler replies back to me. "@FamilyRedPIll I Nope. I don't know which decade you began your dating life in but I (25, daughter of conservative buddhists) have never met a man in the West who are willing to get into a relationship at any age. It's all party, career progression, hookups arranged via dating apps and social media before any agreement to commitment.
This is at the point that I go off on a nerd math tangent:
"@Anna Fidler Admittedly, I got married in 2003, before the social media explosion, but I have a hard time believing you have not passed up good men in the last 5 years. Although your picture is small, and you are wearing lots of makeup, I would judge that you are about a 6, which falls on about the 75th percentile of women out there, which is very good. I wrote on the topic (the looks scale) attached to my profile - Read through it, and honestly compare yourself with very little makeup (those young women are wearing very little makeup) to evaluate where you stand. Where you stand determines which guys you qualify for.
Assuming you are a 6 means you can realistically go for the 75th percentile man as long as you have not done things to jeopardize your dating life (high notch count, kids, STD, tattoos, excessive debt, horrible personality). Guys would rather nope out of marriage altogether than be with someone they don't trust or don't like.
A 75th percentile guy equates to a $75k salary. An accountant, a school teacher, a police officer, a plumber. Someone in those fields. A 6 as far as looks would be in the 75th percentile. Some guy who is a slightly overweight, maybe can do 3-4 pullups. Height, 5'10". Here is the kicker though, for each and every quality for a man you insist on, those effects multiply. For instance, if you are looking for the top 25% in each of those 3 qualities in each category, only .25 x .25 x .25 = 1.5% of the guys out there have all those qualities or better. So, you would actually need to go for the 37th percentile of those 3 qualities to qualify (.63x.63x.63 = 25% are better = 75th percentile) ., that is a UPS driver who can't do pullups and stands 5'6", or you can ignore and put more emphasis somewhere else. This is what is so dangerous about women who have a long checklist of demands for the guys they are looking for. Without the math, their expectations make no sense.
Strive for anything better than this, and you are getting into the territory of men who are players. Men (not all men) will sleep with women who they don't want to form relationships with. It is just what some guys do and I can't stop it. They party, focus on their careers, and will hook up with many women like you said. Many good guys are invisible to women, until of course the women need those good men. But by then the damage is done and then the good, pudgy, short UPS driver doesn't want you anymore."
Sadly, that saw the last I heard of Anna. She seemed sincere and genuinely frustrated with her dating life. I want to help her, and other young adults find partners they can be content with. I brought up this conversation with other online posters I know and asked if my math makes sense. One of them responded:
Math isn't the problem. Your math is fine enough. It'll be lost upon the gal you are talking to. And most anyone, for that matter. What you are trying to quantify with your stupid analytical engineering trained brain, no matter how accurate or correct, was previously a matter of common sense.
What you are trying to convey is the wholly unquantified (and perhaps unquantifiable) knowledge that:
- parents used to teach their children what they knew to be intrinsically true about human interaction, status, and mating. No math required. - What those same parents learned through their experiences of how to live out a peaceful, happy, rewarding family life. Contemporary society plus biology basically demands we are afforded one chance as we progress through our twenties to early thirties. - Speaking of contemporary society, it went unrecoverable years ago. Consider it was 20+ years prior we complained about the idea behind "everyone gets a trophy".
Anyway -- Where is this from? I want to see the picture with the makeup you refer to.
Stay tuned for part 2 "Where have all the good men gone"
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